I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
