So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
