When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need a beard to bite.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
