Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
