The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
