Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
