Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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