He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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