your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
worst night to have a conscience
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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