A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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