Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
