I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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