you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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