I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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