So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
