His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
