Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
