Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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