I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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