chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
