um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
