I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
