God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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