How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hippo gnu deer
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
