Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
