Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
