She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
