i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
