all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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