I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
