She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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