OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
