If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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