So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
