i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
