Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
