3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
