I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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