I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
