yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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