I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
