They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
