dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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