Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
