White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
