There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
