I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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