He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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