Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I didn't notice because vodka
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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