i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Green mimosas i think yes
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
