um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
