I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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